Isolation, loneliness, seclusion - I became a synonym of these words in next 10 days. Most of the times I was confined in my room and was hardly interested in meeting or talking with someone. My family, especially my mother, became very much worried over this strange behavior of mine. I could put them off with great difficulty by saying that I was missing all my college friends and college life. I doubt this excuse entirely convinced them, but then, they couldn't find any other reason behind my sudden craving for isolation.
One morning my mother gave final ultimatum to me get rid of all my notes and useless books which had converted my room into a mess. Reluctantly I picked up the notes and books that I had given to her and just flipped through the pages. My 3rd, 4th and 5th semester notes were full of pen marks. I preferred using pencil and she was just opposite of mine. At many places she had crossed the small points written by me and wrote her own observations. This was hardly any surprising for me since I was well aware of her nature. What baffled me were the notes of 6th semester which hardly had pen marks on it. I have the habit of writing my name on the notes on different pages. I was surprised to see her name in pen written alongside me. It was obvious that she had written it but why? I flipped through the pages but didn't find any thing else. Something went through my mind and I quickly picked up my final year notes that I had given her just a few days back.
On the very first page was written a very beautiful poem about love. It was written in her handwriting. There was nothing else in the notes or the books. I read the poem and then re-read it many times. I am a poet and she was never into poetry. Somehow she had managed to write one - but why? My mind and heart got engaged in a duel. My heart talked about the intuition while my mind supported logic. My head was spinning and I was hardly able to think properly.
"Tell me one thing dude. Did you ever tell her that you love her or you had kept those feelings to yourself only?"
Vinay's parting words suddenly echoed in my mind. I didn't answer him then but it was true that I never expressed my feelings towards her to her. There was always an unknown fear in my mind and I could never conquer it. But had she fallen in love with me as well? This question was pelting stones on thinking. I had to know the answer quickly and I could find just one way of doing so.
She picked up the mobile on the second ring and I waited only for a second to confirm it was her before I said quickly 'I Love You'. There was a stunning silence between us for next few seconds. I kept my eyes closed all this while as I got gripped with that unknown fear once again. Then I heard a sob on the phone and I knew she was crying.
"What took you so long....to say it?" She finally spoke controlling her sobs.
"Why didn't you ever say it to me?"
"I was afraid. It was I who had proposed that deal and then said that love will have no place in it. When I began to develop feelings towards you I tried to stop them. But I failed..."
"I am coming to the college tomorrow."
"What?" she was surprised.
"Ya. I had almost lost my love and spent last 10 days like living in a hell. I can't wait for even a day to be with my life...."
"Even I can't....but till then, I hope you have enough talk time on your cell phone."
I didn't sleep that night.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The Proposal : Part 2
Sometimes I wonder why boys ever try to find a logic behind what a girl thinks and does because 99% times we fail to grasp the reason behind their action. Often, the only expression on our face is that of bewilderment. I still can't figure out the reason why she approached me with that simple but bold proposal.
"You are very well aware of the fact that I had some rough time with my seniors, most of whom are your friends, and they are not willing to help me a bit. This is my second year and I can't survive without any notes and books. Since you won't give me notes like that, I am putting a proposal in front of you. I know you don't have a girlfriend, actually you never had, and I am ready to become your girlfriend if you promise to give all the academic help to me till the final year. Look, this is a generation of give and take and so one shouldn't be ashamed for asking what he/she desires; & secondly, I am pretty candid in nature but have my own limits and shall never cross them. This relationship would continue till college only and we will hang out together till then but don't ask me for a long term relationship. Take your time and then answer me. "
I accepted her proposal. She had everything that I loved in a girl - smartness, intelligence and above all, an enigmatic facet in her personality. Love wasn't there when she became my pseudo girlfriend. My friends protested but finally gave in. I was able to pursue them and soon I became the envy of many of her male classmates.
Indian railways did something good for me for the first time that day as I reached home a good 2 and half hours behind the scheduled time. Many of my relatives, waiting to welcome the first engineer in their family, had already left. Just lowering my shoulders and making my eye-lids look heavy, I was able to send a clear message to my family that its son/brother/nephew was pretty tired and in no mood to discuss anything. My mother asked me to take a quick bath and have a sound dinner before falling on the bed.
Dinner was awesome and though I was pretty low that day, I ate more than what I eat usually. Before retiring to my room, my eyes fell on a mid sized box lying by the refrigerator for the 1st time. Surprisingly, my name was written as the recipient. My mother informed me that the box was delivered that evening only through courier.
I was as surprised as my family since the sender hadn't included his name. The box was little heavy and I could say one thing for sure that it didn't contain any gift item. I could smell the papers inside the box and that information was enough to douse the interest of my family in the box. Everyone retired in their rooms and I could finally have a look at the contents of the box in my room.
I could hardly move for few seconds when I opened the box. The box was full of notes that I had given to her for her studies, right from second year. On the top were the fresh notes that I had handed her during our last meeting.
"You are very well aware of the fact that I had some rough time with my seniors, most of whom are your friends, and they are not willing to help me a bit. This is my second year and I can't survive without any notes and books. Since you won't give me notes like that, I am putting a proposal in front of you. I know you don't have a girlfriend, actually you never had, and I am ready to become your girlfriend if you promise to give all the academic help to me till the final year. Look, this is a generation of give and take and so one shouldn't be ashamed for asking what he/she desires; & secondly, I am pretty candid in nature but have my own limits and shall never cross them. This relationship would continue till college only and we will hang out together till then but don't ask me for a long term relationship. Take your time and then answer me. "
I accepted her proposal. She had everything that I loved in a girl - smartness, intelligence and above all, an enigmatic facet in her personality. Love wasn't there when she became my pseudo girlfriend. My friends protested but finally gave in. I was able to pursue them and soon I became the envy of many of her male classmates.
Indian railways did something good for me for the first time that day as I reached home a good 2 and half hours behind the scheduled time. Many of my relatives, waiting to welcome the first engineer in their family, had already left. Just lowering my shoulders and making my eye-lids look heavy, I was able to send a clear message to my family that its son/brother/nephew was pretty tired and in no mood to discuss anything. My mother asked me to take a quick bath and have a sound dinner before falling on the bed.
Dinner was awesome and though I was pretty low that day, I ate more than what I eat usually. Before retiring to my room, my eyes fell on a mid sized box lying by the refrigerator for the 1st time. Surprisingly, my name was written as the recipient. My mother informed me that the box was delivered that evening only through courier.
I was as surprised as my family since the sender hadn't included his name. The box was little heavy and I could say one thing for sure that it didn't contain any gift item. I could smell the papers inside the box and that information was enough to douse the interest of my family in the box. Everyone retired in their rooms and I could finally have a look at the contents of the box in my room.
I could hardly move for few seconds when I opened the box. The box was full of notes that I had given to her for her studies, right from second year. On the top were the fresh notes that I had handed her during our last meeting.
Monday, September 13, 2010
The Proposal : Part 1
"Did you fall in love with her?" Vinay asked a very straightforward question to me.
"I don't know. I mean I don't think so..."
"But your face tells me a different story. For the last half an hour your eyes haven't moved from the entrance for more than few seconds. You keep on checking your mobile as well. What should I deduce from it dude?"
I didn't say anything. He took a deep breath and then uttered something which pierced my ears like a high decibel sound.
"She never loved you. She had made it clear in the first meeting itself. It was a deal and nothing more than that.You know it very well. How come you are getting so desperate now after being aware of it?"
Love is never planned Vinay, and love is blind. I understand what you are trying to tell me, but I can't make my heart forget her. Even though it seems pretty clear that it was a one-sided love all the way.
I was dumbfounded when she had put that proposal in front of me for the first time.
"I know it sounds little weird but isn't this the way the things are going around us? Do you think that all of these gf-bf relationships between junior girls and senior boys would continue beyond college life? Almost all of them are fake and purely based on selfishness. Even you are aware of this fact. So what's wrong in my proposal? "
"Pretty bold thing to say, eh?" Vinay said
"Ya. I couldn't utter a word from my mouth for a couple of minutes. I knew about her from you people but I had never anticipated that she would approach me with such a proposal."
"What made you accept her proposal, especially when we never endorsed it?" Vinay asked.
I don't know Vinay. May be it was because I wanted to have a girlfriend like others. Or maybe I found her attractive and couldn't refuse her proposal. Who cares now anyway?
"When did you know you were head over heels in love with her?"
"No need to make your language more beautiful using an idiom. I could have understood without it too."
Vinay chuckled as my eyes fell on the entrance to the station once again.
"Last year, when she had participated in dance competition and lost in the finals. I felt so bad that day. It was surprising for me too but it didn't take me long to realize that I had fallen in love with her..."
Vinay's cell phone drew his attention from my story towards it. He glanced at the number and then moved some distance away before picking up the call. I instantly knew that his assertive girlfriend Shikha had called.
He disconnected the call few minutes later and then dropped a bomb on me - a final bomb.
"She left for her city last night only. Their practicals have been delayed by 10 days so most of the hostelers have decided to visit their homes. Shikha too is........"
The train to my city had finally arrived - a good half an hour behind the time. Few minutes ago I wanted the time to run slowly and now suddenly I wanted time to run fast. My hopes had already died a pre-mature death. There was no use staying in this city for a minute more when I didn't have any other reason left to love this city.
To Be Contd.......
"I don't know. I mean I don't think so..."
"But your face tells me a different story. For the last half an hour your eyes haven't moved from the entrance for more than few seconds. You keep on checking your mobile as well. What should I deduce from it dude?"
I didn't say anything. He took a deep breath and then uttered something which pierced my ears like a high decibel sound.
"She never loved you. She had made it clear in the first meeting itself. It was a deal and nothing more than that.You know it very well. How come you are getting so desperate now after being aware of it?"
Love is never planned Vinay, and love is blind. I understand what you are trying to tell me, but I can't make my heart forget her. Even though it seems pretty clear that it was a one-sided love all the way.
I was dumbfounded when she had put that proposal in front of me for the first time.
"I know it sounds little weird but isn't this the way the things are going around us? Do you think that all of these gf-bf relationships between junior girls and senior boys would continue beyond college life? Almost all of them are fake and purely based on selfishness. Even you are aware of this fact. So what's wrong in my proposal? "
"Pretty bold thing to say, eh?" Vinay said
"Ya. I couldn't utter a word from my mouth for a couple of minutes. I knew about her from you people but I had never anticipated that she would approach me with such a proposal."
"What made you accept her proposal, especially when we never endorsed it?" Vinay asked.
I don't know Vinay. May be it was because I wanted to have a girlfriend like others. Or maybe I found her attractive and couldn't refuse her proposal. Who cares now anyway?
"When did you know you were head over heels in love with her?"
"No need to make your language more beautiful using an idiom. I could have understood without it too."
Vinay chuckled as my eyes fell on the entrance to the station once again.
"Last year, when she had participated in dance competition and lost in the finals. I felt so bad that day. It was surprising for me too but it didn't take me long to realize that I had fallen in love with her..."
Vinay's cell phone drew his attention from my story towards it. He glanced at the number and then moved some distance away before picking up the call. I instantly knew that his assertive girlfriend Shikha had called.
He disconnected the call few minutes later and then dropped a bomb on me - a final bomb.
"She left for her city last night only. Their practicals have been delayed by 10 days so most of the hostelers have decided to visit their homes. Shikha too is........"
The train to my city had finally arrived - a good half an hour behind the time. Few minutes ago I wanted the time to run slowly and now suddenly I wanted time to run fast. My hopes had already died a pre-mature death. There was no use staying in this city for a minute more when I didn't have any other reason left to love this city.
To Be Contd.......
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